Saturday, September 29, 2018

Thanks but no

Once I mentioned being a tad dizzy, from excitement and the mission President asked if he could help get me to my seat. I'm like thanks but no.


I'm slowly getting used to it but its nasty. I had a sweet 1 and man did it take me a while to drink.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Three tramps

The three tramps are three men photographed by several Dallas-area newspapers under police escort near the Texas School Book Depository shortly after the assassination of United States President John F. Kennedy on November 22, 1963. Since the mid-1960s, various allegations have been made about the identities of the men and their involvement in a conspiracy to kill Kennedy. Records released by the Dallas Police Department in 1989 identified the men as Gus Abrams, Harold Doyle, and John Gedney. Early allegations: E. Howard Hunt and Frank Sturgis: The Dallas Morning News, the Dallas Times Herald, and the Fort Worth Star-Telegram photographed three transients under police escort near the Texas School Book Depository shortly after the assassination. The men later became known as the "three tramps". According to Vincent Bugliosi, allegations that these men were involved in a conspiracy originated from theorist Richard E. Sprague who compiled the photographs in 1966 and 1967, and subsequently turned them over to Jim Garrison during his investigation of Clay Shaw. Appearing before a nationwide audience on the January 31, 1968, episode of The Tonight Show, Garrison held up a photo of the three and suggested they were involved in the assassination. Later, in 1974, assassination researchers Alan J. Weberman and Michael Canfield compared photographs of the men to people they believed to be suspects involved in a conspiracy and said that two of the men were Watergate burglars E. Howard Hunt and Frank Sturgis. Comedian and civil rights activist Dick Gregory helped bring national media attention to the allegations against Hunt and Sturgis in 1975 after obtaining the comparison photographs from Weberman and Canfield. Immediately after obtaining the photographs, Gregory held a press conference that received considerable coverage and his charges were reported in Rolling Stone and Newsweek. The Rockefeller Commission reported in 1975 that they investigated the allegation that Hunt and Sturgis, on behalf of the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), participated in the assassination of Kennedy. The final report of that commission stated that witnesses who testified that the "derelicts" bore a resemblance to Hunt or Sturgis, "were not shown to have any qualification in photo identification beyond that possessed by an average layman". Their report also stated that FBI Agent Lyndal L. Shaneyfelt, "a nationally-recognized expert in photoidentification and photoanalysis" with the FBI photographic laboratory, had concluded from photo comparison that none of the men were Hunt or Sturgis. In 1979, the House Select Committee on Assassinations reported that forensic anthropologists had again analyzed and compared the photographs of the "tramps" with those of Hunt and Sturgis, as well as with photographs of Thomas Vallee, Daniel Carswell, and Fred Lee Crisman. According to the Committee, only Crisman resembled any of the tramps; but the same Committee determined that he was not in Dealey Plaza on the day of the assassination. According to Mark Lane, Sturgis became involved with Marita Lorenz in 1985, who later identified Sturgis as a gunman in the assassination. Other allegations: Charles Harrelson, Charles Rogers, and Chauncey Holt: In September 1982, contract killer Charles Harrelson, the father of actor Woody Harrelson, while wanted for the murder of federal judge John H. Wood Jr. "confessed" to killing Wood and President Kennedy during a six-hour standoff with police in which he was reportedly high on cocaine. Joseph Chagra, the brother of Jamiel Chagra, testified during Harrelson's trial that Harrelson claimed to have shot Kennedy and drew maps to show where he was hiding during the assassination. Chagra said that he did not believe Harrelson's claim, and the AP reported that the FBI "apparently discounted any involvement by Harrelson in the Kennedy assassination". According to Jim Marrs in 1989's Crossfire, Harrelson is believed to be the youngest and tallest of the "tramps" by many assassination researchers. Marrs stated that Harrelson was involved "with criminals connected to intelligence agencies and the military" and suggested that he was connected to Jack Ruby through Russell Douglas Matthews, a third party with links to organized crime who was known to both Harrelson and Ruby. In September 1991, private investigators John Craig and Philip Rogers, who were working on a book about an unsolved murder case, claimed that Charles Rogers, who disappeared in 1965 after the dismembered bodies of his parents were found in a refrigerator, was a CIA operative who was identified by his friends and relatives as one of the "tramps". According to the Houston Chronicle, a homicide detective who worked on the original murder case of Rogers' parents described the scenario as "far-fetched". Three months later in a 1991 Newsweek article about Oliver Stone's JFK, Chauncey Holt received national attention for various claims he made regarding the assassination of President Kennedy, including that he was one of three CIA operatives photographed as the "tramps". Holt also stated that he was with Harrelson in Dealey Plaza on the day of the assassination. According to Holt, he was ordered to Dallas to deliver phony Secret Service credentials, but was not involved in killing Kennedy nor did he have knowledge of who did. John Craig and Philip Rogers' 1992 book The Man on the Grassy Knoll eventually connected Charles Harrelson, Charles Rogers, and Chauncey Holt by alleging that they were the three tramps photographed in Dealey Plaza. According to that book, Harrelson and Rogers were sharpshooters on the grassy knoll, who were assisted by Holt. Official explanation: Gus Abrams, Harold Doyle, and John Gedney: In 1992, journalist Mary La Fontaine discovered the November 22, 1963, arrest records that the Dallas Police Department had released in 1989, which named the three men as Gus W. Abrams, Harold Doyle, and John F. Gedney. According to the arrest reports, the three men were "taken off a boxcar in the railroad yards right after President Kennedy was shot", detained as "investigative prisoners", described as unemployed and passing through Dallas, then released four days later. An immediate search for the three men by the FBI and others was prompted by an article by Ray and Mary La Fontaine on the front page of the February 9, 1992, Houston Post. Less than a month later, the FBI reported that Abrams was dead and that interviews with Gedney and Doyle revealed no new information about the assassination. According to Doyle, the three men had spent the night before the assassination in a local homeless shelter where they showered and ate before heading back to the railyard. Interviewed by A Current Affair in 1992, Doyle said that he was aware of the allegations and did not come forward for fear of being implicated in the assassination. He added: "I am a plain guy, a simple country boy, and that's the way I want to stay. I wouldn't be a celebrity for $10 million." Gedney independently affirmed Doyle's account, and a researcher who tracked down Abrams' sister confirmed that Abrams lived the life of an itinerant train hopper and had died in 1987. Despite the Dallas Police Department's 1989 identifications of the three tramps as being Doyle, Gedney and Abrams and the lack of evidence connecting them to the assassination, some researchers have continued to maintain other identifications for the tramps and to theorize that they may have been connected to the crime. Photographs of the three at the time of their arrest have fueled speculation as to the identities of the three "tramps", as they appeared to be well-dressed and clean-shaven, seemingly unlikely for hobos riding the rails. Some researchers also thought it suspicious that the Dallas police had quickly released the tramps from custody, apparently without investigating whether they might have witnessed anything significant related to the assassination, and that Dallas police claimed to have lost the records of their arrests as well as their mugshots and fingerprints.

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

alcoholic drinks

I've had alcoholic drinks a few times in my life. i'm not a huge drinker. i prefer beer to wine. it's OK as a drink but not my huge thing.

hoedown throwdown

i did the hoedown throw down as part of my dance routine last year. i did it at game night after someone wanted to see it. i started doing it and paused in case someone wanted me out of the way but he watching me dance as well

Monday, September 24, 2018

Space bun

I'm trying out space buns for my hair. Its a little short but it's kinda there. Maybe in a couple weeks especially of I remember to brush my hair

Give up

I gave up asking my family to come into the ward with me. The reason is simple: they don't want to and have told me repeatedly so I stopped asking.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Weight loss

I hope I've lost weight from avoiding meat. I'm not a super strict vegetarian. I prefer them due to health reasons but if someone gives me a chicken sandwich I won't say I can't eat that because I'm a vegetarian.

Tons of sleep

I got tons of sleep last night. I took tons of pain killers and a allergy pill that knocked me out. I'm like wow. Didn't know I was that tired.


most of what i did in my mom's meeting with the bishop was react to things. laughing, pretend to gag, etc.

Friday, September 21, 2018

Little extras

A few times I've gotten special treatment at coffee shops. An example is when I ordered a caramel iced coffee a barista said to put extra caramel for me. Another time they suggested things. Today I had a guy said he'd make me fresh coffee.

Thank you

What I said over and over again after my talk. I mouthed thank you to my dad when he texted me saying great job

Thursday, September 20, 2018

panic attack

i just had a panic attack as i'm going to be over booked on Monday. i'm stressed out.


the funniset thing i've heard on a video: you have your whole life to be stressed out by your spouse

Comfy undies

I know its embarrassing to talk about this but boy shorts are super comfy. I love wearing them.


As much as I try liking alcohol I don't like it a ton.


what i said when a sister missionary wanted to do something with me.

Monday, September 17, 2018


i look very rocker today in grey shirt and jeans with a cotton flannel t-shirt on over it. the only thing missing is the boots

not suprised

there are times where i'm not surprised about things. like when the elders asked me to tag along with their lesson with my brother as i knew him better than they did and that's why they needed extra help. also when the elders in Hawaii told me to take the message home after institute and i'm like OK.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

i knew it was coming

so after institute in Hawaii i was told to "take the message home." i'm like "OK" knowing that was coming eventually.

Tag along

The elders apparently want a little more "manpower" for their lesson with my brother so I agreed to tag along and as needed


I nearly threw up because of eating bacon (something I pretty much cut out of my diet).

What did I just do?

What I asked myself when the elders asked me to have them come along with a lesson with my brother.

Saturday, September 15, 2018

less points

my meals have less points if i eat vegetarian. i occasionally struggle with points vs nutrition

Friday, September 14, 2018

a turtle

so my brother way telling our cousin that "god is eternal" and she's like, "how can god be a turtle?" i'm like, "aw" and "lol that's funny."

Thursday, September 13, 2018

staples in hair

when i was in middle school people picked on me so much they put staples in my hair. my teachers helped me out and i was embarrassed about it.


i love my heels far too much. i sometimes wear them to school for fun.

you were saying?

what i said when my mom stopped talking half way thru a sentance

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

I'm back

So the 1st time I "dropped" the LDS ward I bore my testimony after giving a brief explanation of where I'd ran off too. I said, "surprise. I'm back."

Serious pain

Last night I had some SERIOUS back pain. So much so cold medicine was needed as a sedative. I slept like a log. Living with scoliosis you get used to pain. Luckily now my pain is better.

Sleep in

I slept in this morning. It was nice. Especially since my back hurt like crazy last night. Its awesome since I got the sleep I needed over the last week I've been missing. I took a ton of cold medicine to help me with ny sleeping and pain.

Words in her mouth

So I told a bishop at the ward I legally belong to that my mom was happy he "ratted me out" to my contact at the singles ward even though that was ME who was grateful. My mom is to an extent but its me really. I told her I didn't want to put words in her mouth but she is grateful as well.


So I got sick once and said, "look Shetie" crossing the 2 words: Shetie and Yeti. That was funny. Unfortunately I was sick so I couldn't talk well

Monday, September 10, 2018

Wilson Chouest

Wilson Chouest is an American criminal known for the murders of two unidentified females in the state of California, both occurring within days of each other in July 1980. He has a history of violence toward women, including abduction, robbery and rape, which occurred between 1977 and 1980. Chouest, who was currently serving a life sentence, was charged with three counts of murder, including that of one victim's unborn son. He was identified as a suspect in the case in 2012, after his DNA was matched to fingernail scrapings collected from both victims. Chouest is also known to have committed crimes in Tulare and Los Angeles Counties. He is currently serving life in prison for his activities in the latter area. On May 31, 2018, a jury found Chouest guilty of the murders of the women, but did not convict on behalf of the Ventura County victim's unborn son. Victims: Two of Chouest's known victims remain unidentified. The victims were found in neighboring counties in California, Kern and Ventura in July 1980. He had been released from prison a month before. The women were described as being well-groomed and had no known arrests in the state, as their fingerprints did not match any on file. DNA and dental records were also obtained but have since failed to identify either. Chouest has refused to give any information about the slayings. After one of the slayings, Chouest allegedly told Patrick Scott Bell about murdering a woman and Bell assisted him with cleaning the vehicle used alongside his brothers. When confronted by their mother, Carolyn, one of the brothers "reacted strongly" and claimed Chouest had struck and killed a deer. Carolyn never informed police until her questioning in 2013. Kern County Jane Doe: The body of a White, Native American or Hispanic woman was located on July 15, 1980 in Delano, Kern County, California in an almond orchard. Tire tracks were observed at the scene. She was murdered approximately one day prior; she was stabbed 29 times and was then transported to the location she was found. She had two unique tattoos; one was a heart containing the words "I Love You," "Shirley" and "Seattle" and another that read "Mother" and "I Love You." She also had scars on her abdomen and buttock. She had also worn a leg prosthesis, believed to have been the result of an injury that had occurred on her upper leg. All of her upper teeth were missing. She was intoxicated at the time of her murder, as her blood alcohol was .3 % The words on the tattoos may give evidence to where she may have been native to, such as Seattle, Washington and likely had the name Shirley or was close to someone who bore that name. However, it is also believed that she may have gone by the name of "Rebecca Ochoa" or "Becky" and was employed at an apple orchard. The woman was known to have been in the area for several weeks before she died. The victim was twenty-five to thirty-five years old at an estimated height and weight of five feet four inches and 115 pounds, respectively. It is also believed she had given birth at least once. She wore a pink top, jeans, white shoes and blue socks. Along with DNA recovered from the woman's fingernails and clothing, Chouest was also linked to a bottle of Michelob beer found near the body. Ventura County Jane Doe: The body of a female aged fifteen to thirty was discovered lying in a high school parking lot on July 18, 1980 in Westlake, Ventura County, California. The victim had died within twelve hours of her discovery and was likely murdered at a different location. She had been dragged to where she was found, leaving a trail of blood. After the suspect was identified in the case, it was released that the woman may have possibly been kidnapped in four California counties, Tulare, Kern, Ventura and Los Angeles, as the suspect had frequented such areas at the time. She was estimated to be between five feet one and five feet three inches tall at a weight of 110 to 115 pounds. She was five-months pregnant with a boy. The woman was stabbed 16 times and strangled to death after she was raped. The race of the victim was ether Hispanic or Native American and she had brown eyes, black hair with bleached ends and penciled eyebrows; the hairs had been shaved. The victim also had pierced ears and had a large amount of dental maintenance. The victim had several scars and birthmarks: a pair of scars from vaccinations were present on her left arm and a scar on the left knee. She was clothed in a white shirt, underwear, a black bra and red pants. The victim's unborn son appeared to have been well-nourished and "adequate" prenatal care had taken place. She had given birth at least once before and had an episiotomy scar. Paternal DNA from her son did not match any known offenders in the CODIS database. The DNA match to Chouest was made in 2012. Rape victims: Chouest attacked a woman in Los Angeles in 1977 and two additional rapes were committed in August and September 1980. The 1977 attack occurred on October 12 when he offered his victim a ride to Topanga Canyon. He had removed the handles on the inside of the passenger area, in preparation for her attempt to escape. Once she was inside, he exposed himself and propositioned her for sex, threatening with a knife. The woman offered her compliance and Chouest disposed of the weapon. She was later bound and driven to a hillside, where he raped her. She was then strangled and kicked until she lost consciousness, yet she survived. Before he left the scene, he had stolen some of her clothing and her purse. He was later convicted of robbery and kidnapping; the rape charge was dropped due to a plea agreement. The attack in August 1980 was less successful. Chouest, wielding a knife, approached a woman in Visalia, California, who was leaving the College of the Sequoias, yet she refused to cooperate, declining to enter his vehicle. The woman gave her attacker her wallet and escaped once he became aware of two bystanders nearby. Her wallet contained her personal and contact information, and she received a telephone call regarding her money the next day from a man believed to be Chouest. By September, he abducted a third woman at the same college campus with a knife. He succeeded with taking her into his vehicle, where he robbed and bound her. Driving to a cornfield, he raped her. After the woman brought up her husband, Chouest drove her back to where he kidnapped her and apologized. Trial of Wilson Chouest: Following his arrest in 2015, Chouest was tried in May 2018. Three of Chouest's surviving victims testified about the attacks that they experienced. Carolyn and Patrick Bell also testified. The jury returned with guilty verdicts for the adult victims. They were unable to convict him of the murder of the fetus, as prosecutors referenced laws in place at the time of the killings, despite those laws being changed in 1994. The death penalty will not be pursued, due to the age and lack of witnesses testifying on his behalf. The highest eligible sentence would be two life terms with no parole with four additional years.


yesterday i wore a new pair of heels. i love them and they're easier to walk in than my "comfy" platforms.

join the police force

i joked that since i'm a criminal justice major i'd be joining the police force. everyone caught on and started joking about me being "officer Jackie" and how i'd pull people over for saying hi but giving out multiple tickets.


i love McDonald's. I've heard the Philippines has the McSpaghetti. it's hilarious. apparently McDonald's tried it in Italy and the USA but it bombed.


i watched a devotional on church history. i learned something new about polygamy. i'm like that's interesting. i usually hate history but it's not the worst way to spend an hour of my life.

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Jacob wetterling

i'm listening to a podcast on Jacob Wetterling. it's so sad to listening to.

Who Killed Jane Doe?

Who Killed Jane Doe? (formerly known as The Jane Doe Diaries) is an American true-crime documentary program featuring cases of formerly unidentified women and the investigation process of finding their killers. The program also details the circumstances of the subject's disappearance and life before she lost contact with family members, leading up to the connection of the missing individual and the unidentified remains. Episodes: Each season consists of six episodes, each documenting one Jane Doe case.

Saturday, September 8, 2018


so i have a couple dresses that act as "trench coats" when i wear them. especially if i'm in street clothes and am in full street clothes.

here's Jackie

what my friend Daniel said when seconds before i ran into the party carrying a tote bag with all my stuff and a bag of pretzels. i yelled hi guys before nearly tripping over something.


so my brother asked me to help mom with unloading groceries. what he doesn't know is that's kinda part of my job. 1 of my chores/ part of my job is to unload the groceries. if he comes down he'll see it was done pretty quick and i'm like yeah i usually do the most of it anyways.

why me?

what i ask myself when people are driving me crazy. like when i was writing my talk last november.

felt bad

so once i hung out with a friend last December and she said she felt bad for leaving me. i'm like it's OK. i pointed to where my mom's office was and that i had other things to do (such as make a few phone calls and get a snack).

public speaking

i HATE public speaking. i'm used to it by now as i gave a talk in church (and stupidly forgot to get extra credit for it) but i still dislike it. i hate being the center of attention.

playing with my hair

my hair is my favorite play thing so it makes sense for me to play with it

welcome back

what was said to me when i "come back" after "ditching" (disappearing) on people.

A missionary; A tale of undercover missionary work

One day I was walking out and someone said they’d show me around the ward the next time I was free, which happened to be my 20th birthday. I said sure. At first I was super devout. Now I’m devout but it is super fun and I’m learning about my religion. I was baptized 15 months after 1st “wandering in” in my 20th birthday. Nearly 2 years later I was confirmed, met a returned missionary (and got asked out by him) and gave a talk. My mom had come to terms with this and I’m happy about it since I’ve got a support. My brothers and dad have come around as well but not as much as my mom. Weirdly, when my paternal grandfather was on the brink of death my eldest younger brother asked me to give my grandfather’s name in the temple. I said no because I didn’t want to get in trouble. My brother begged me. I’m like fine I’ll see what I can do for it. Since my uncle was on the lawyers contact list I assumed he knew best so I asked my uncle to get permission to submit my grandfather’s name to the temple and I explained the thing the best I could but he said no thanks. I’m like ok. The day my grandfather passed away my mom dragged me to the singles ward saying I needed to be there. I’m like “ok” upset. I mentioned my brother being my youngest sibling when I said he was my “baby brother” despite him being my youngest brother being nearly 15. Before Sunday school the bishop at that ward saw me and asked what’s up with me. I walked up to him visibly angry and said in a snarky voice, “my grandfather dies today.” He hugged me and said how sorry he was. I turned and went to Sunday school. By the end of my time at the break the fast people heard my granddad passed away and checked on me. That was the 1 time I’d seen them until January due to the divorce schedule and vacation. Many of them knew I was still in town thanks to social media but no one understood where I ran off to for 5 weeks. It’s no one’s “job” per se but someone should’ve told them that I wasn’t dead or that I’d skipped town. When I reappeared in January I met Elder Bennett and Danny asked me a million questions. I was able to act as though I’d never left. The kids were happy to see me again, although many likely were thinking the same a Danny. I ditched them (I don’t SAY I ditched them to their faces and told a friend of mine that I’m happy I was MIA for 5 weeks since I didn’t want them see me cry after losing my grandfather, which I frequently did over 10 days). It shows I care about their perception of me. I needed my other ward so they could help me thru the difficult time. I’d gotten a blessing the night before I found out about my grandfather being in the hospital since I was terrified about my exams. Also I’d pretty much gotten as much of my work I could done beforehand. I was given a break and asked if people could do anything for me. I’m like no thanks and if they came before I needed them that I’d physically stick a candy cane up their nose sideways. I know that sound freakishly violent but try understanding that I lost my last grandparent. I was going thru something. I know that’s a good time for people to help but I’m like I’ll let you know if we need anything. The bishop at my main ward granted me space and said to me “If there’s anything we can do for you please let us know.” I’m like thanks and indicating I couldn’t think of anything at the present time. People at the singles ward said the same. I guess I made it clear I needed the Kentlands ward more than I needed/ wanted the singles ward people. I didn’t ask for anything. My friends cheered me up. I don’t mention my religion a lot. I once mentioned it by saying I am 1 with the book of Mormon musical ad. I don’t like mentioning it a ton because I don’t want people to think I’m weird. I’d told a bunch of people I’d mentioned being a Mormon in dance class. They all asked how it went. I’m like fine. I mentioned it since I had the musical ad. It wasn’t much. The sister missionaries said my classmates would be “inspired by my example”. That was nice. So when I gave my talk I mentioned my family. My mom wanted me to make it personalized. A conference talk I used was about Bobby the wonder dog having internal radar to home. A story that made it personalized was my story getting lost in the Kentlands as a 6th grader. Someone said that scared them since not everyone could relate to losing a dog but someone in the LDS church could likely understand losing track of a 6th grader. It was awesome when I gave the talk. When I 1st walked up everyone cheered. I was super embarrassed since I’m the only 1 who had that. Also I had to yank down the microphone twice since I’m a shorty. It was awesome since my friend tried to go hear me give it but missed the sacrament. I’d told my grandfather about the sermon. He seemed proud I’d given a sermon. 3 weeks afterwards my grandfather was in the emergency room. My brother begged me to try to give my grandfather’s name to the temple. I said no way because of my need to not get in trouble. I’m like fine to see if my uncle would consent. I was told that I’m a missionary despite not wearing a nametag. It was said that a missionary is someone who encourages having someone to have faith. My brother is baptized into another faith but he has a strong faith. I’m usually quiet on the “faith” part along with spreading the “word of god”. Occasionally when I have them in my hand I’ll give out little pass along cards with the address to the visitor’s center in Kensington? I was doing things around Germantown while texting my friends about being a missionary sans tag. I was drinking something hot since it was cold the day of my communications exam. I remember my 1st (and so far only) time I went into the temple in Kensington. I was panicky and nervous. I calmed down after a bit. The day after I was questioned how I liked it and how many times I was dunked. It’s beautiful inside if you’ve never been inside. Interestingly once inside someone asked me my name to confirm it. That was sweet that someone asked about me. Wouldn’t be the 1st but still nice. One person who came to ask me came WAY too close for comfort. I was able touch his suit he was that close. I’ve heard that was a sign of attraction. This elder showed SEVERAL signs of attraction towards me. He’s cute and VERY sweet. Several elders have had an attraction to me. It’s not surprising since I AM considered pretty. Missionaries are sweet people. Once I heard a talk (what we call sermons) about missionaries and it was funny. I told my friends from the singles ward about it. I’m wondering where we’d be without them. My mom thinks they’re nice; especially since once 1 gave me a blessing and said it was the highlight of the day. They helped me with my conversion. Several have had attractions to me. One was nervous around my mom. Another was happy I’d mentioned him to my mom. They were super nice. I didn’t like 1 at first but later on he was more relaxed so I assume: nerves. The 1 who said the blessing he gave me was the highlight of his day (his name is elder Egbert) I told him about missionaries who didn’t know I was a covert and calling them stupid. I admit that was rude but that’s also kind of funny. Elder Egbert’s companion was hilarious and made me laugh several times. I’ve heard girls are more likely able to fall in love with boys who make girls laugh. Also he’s sweet and opens the door for many people. When the sisters who baptized me left they gave me a scrapbook of everyone who came to my baptism. There were 30+ people there. The book was full of noted from people who were there (with some exceptions). All of the notes were awesome. One even was even signed love so and so. That note was my favorite since he was my favorite Elder. He was so sweet to me and nervous to meet my mom. I loved all of the notes. They were all expressing how happy they were about me deciding to get baptized. 1 of the guests I did the “do you have a brother named James” joke since his last name was Bond. The baptism was awesome since I was the 1 who didn’t have to lift a finger despite wanting to. There were small things I did like introducing the elders since I wanted to do something and they were nervous. Another was introducing someone I’d “hooked up” with my mom. That was nice. Apparently I was super chatty. What’s hilarious was after I’d gotten dunked in the font and had gotten my glasses back I’d walked over to the changing area and my mom ran in to help me. I didn’t even see her at 1st. I started unzipping my jumpsuit and then said, “oh hi mom.” We beat the person who dunked me by like 10 minutes. The returned missionary was 1 of the 1st boys to “ask me out”. That was nice. His mom came up to me and said, “This is my son.” I didn’t react for a couple minutes as I was listening to green river running red (an audio book on the green river killer aka Gary Ridgway). When I finally snapped out of it I said, “Can I help you?” I followed her arm and said hi and then hurriedly turning off my electronic devices and introduced myself to the boy. It was about a month after I’d gotten baptized. He was curious but didn’t answer any of my questions and looked like he had a pole up his butt. I’d drunken too much coffee and had to excuse myself during his talk. I heard the rest from the back while reading about Ted Bundy. He’d gotten my number behind my back and asked me out a week later. That day was fun. I was at the beaver dam rock quarry and was in the “locker room” changing into my street clothes when I got a phone call it was Bradley (the returned missionary). He told me he was going mini golfing with his family and asked if I’d like to tag along. I said no thanks since I was heading out of town, which we were. It distracted me from completing MY mission of finding a new swim suit, which I failed. I’d talked to him when I’d got back. He asked if I was going to the 4th of July breakfast and I declined since I was tired. His mom loves us together (by trying to set us up). I’m like “yay” thinking “gah.” I passed on information to Brad’s family thinking how he liked this thing Great Wolf lodge offers (he likes mini golf and Great wolf lodge offers it as well as a side attraction). When I saw his mom when I gave my talk I asked about him and how he was. He and I are friendly to each other. I loved it when he asked me out. He freaked me out but that’s also kind of flattering. I love mini golfing but I was out of town and tired when he called me to go out. People are apparently “blessed to be my friend”. It is nice to be friends with a good person. When I gave my talk I’d invited as friend to give me moral support. My friends are usually there to support me. Although I usually complained of back during the spring semester I was able to get leniency because of it but I can’t always get out of stuff because of it. What I call a blessing are the simple things. My last name being pronounced correctly is something I call a blessing since it is usually butchered to death. Leniency due to my scoliosis is another. I suffer serious scoliosis but luckily losing weight is helping me a little. Someone even SAID they were blessed to know me. I’m like same here as I was blessed to know them. The family who said that functioned as my guardians and helped me navigate socially. I’m hoping to actually go on a mission but I’m not sure. I’m scared as is my mom. She is scared to let me go off on my mission. She loves me and loves me going to church knowing this is where I feel at home. When she agreed to let me on a mission she seemed into it. She seemed into it and I was scared. Turns out she was terrified of letting me go off onto a mission. I was excited but am scared. It’s awesome since my mom is on board. When a couple times I ran into Jehovah’s witnesses and accepted literature from them. My mom thought that was funny: Mormons vs. Jehovah’s witnesses. It was. When they offered me literature I’d taken 1. Once I “ditched” the singes ward for 5 weeks. That wasn’t voluntary and for 2 weeks I was out of state. So my parents are divorced and my dad had 3 weeks so I had to go to the Kentlands ward and during that time: I had my finals, my grandfather passed away and we had his funeral (actually he passed away the 1 time in December I was in the singles ward and then I disappeared) and I left town for a couple weeks. When I “came back” to the singles ward my friend Danny was confused during Sunday school and then questioned me before sacrament meeting. I was able to “pick up right where I left off”. That was a fun meeting. I’d met a friend minutes before and then other friends coming to say hi to me. My friend Danny and I are super close. When he saw me the following day after he’d questioned me in the singles ward I was like who’s that waving at me? I wiped off my glasses (my glasses are typically dirty since super lazy and forget to clean them). After I cleaned the glasses off I’d gasped and said, “Danny.” I passed him twice. I said, “Hi.” The second time I’m, “hi I’m with my class got to run. Bye.” My mom said now that I knew where my buddy Danny was she told me to hang out (go on a “lunch date”) with him. I did after the semester was done since we were both super busy. We went to a buffet and got fish breath. We shared a song book. Danny’s a goofball but sweet. He got me to game night and saw me dance. Once a missionary saw me and noticed I was “new” and came to introduce him. I explained to him that I wasn’t new to the ward but that I’d been MIA for a few weeks. I called him cute. His companion was nice and very sweet. I told him his old companion’s new companion was cute and then called him (the 1 who introduced himself to me) cute as well. On his birthday I messaged him “happy birthday” and he said thanks. He’s nice, cute and very sweet. He was supposed to be French speaking (as his companions) and I surprised them BOTH by asking if a baguette was a stick of bread or something. That’s when someone noticed my harry potter phone case and the missionaries noticed and said yeah that’s nice. Sweethearts and cuties all in 1 are the missionaries. I loved how bold elder Bennett (the 1 who introduced himself to me) was. It takes guts to introduce you to someone. I loved that about him. His companion (Elder Hunter) was super forgetful often forgetting my headphones were not a necklace and I’m basically blind without my glasses. Elder Hunter’s nice but forgetful. Elder Goring (Elder Hunter’s companion after elder Bennett) smiled a lot. Especially when I told Elder Goring I’d mentioned him and Elder Carpenter to my mom. Sweet kids but strange as he smiled thinking “ooh yay she mentioned me.” I was repeating what Danny told me. Yes I mentioned him but only casually as a friend. Elder Goring has a slight crush on me. I could tell but we’re just friends. Once I commented on a picture he posted and he and his mom liked my comment. He’s a sweetheart (checking on me saying don’t say that when I said I hate my life unknowingly I was referring to my back killing me since I’d hurt it the day before). The sister missionaries are sweet too. The ones in the singles ward said hi to me as I left the last time. I said hi, my mom’s outside so I should scoot. Bye. The girls are usually more protected more than the guys. I heard that sisters get put in small towns where not much happens and tons of precautions are there so the girls can do their missions. A precaution is the time they need to be back, carrying pass along cards with the elder’s phone number and getting cars. They agreed tomboying around is harder to do in a skirt, which I wear ½ the time. I mentioned I’m a tomboy since I’ve got 3 brothers. I also explained how I got involved in the church. They were transferred from Silver Spring. One sister was super friendly. She constantly sharing songbooks, sitting with me (or having me sit with her). It was sweet but sometimes it was weird. She didn’t understand something’s in the USA. Once I ran into a couple elders who were canvassing my neighborhood in late May. I nearly missed them as I was running with my dog and listening to music. I noticed them and they asked if I’ve ever read the book of Mormon. I said yes and revealed I’m a Mormon convert. I got a pass along card with their number on it. I shot them a text. Later I asked if they wanted to come over. They said sure but it dropped. Something similar happened in January. I was trolling on Facebook adding someone and then they made a group with me and said who they were and started asking how to fellowship my brother. I’m like, “uh I don’t know” on repeat. I told them “I’m no mind reader. Please ask my brother these questions.” The questions weren’t bad I just didn’t have the answers. I asked people from the Kentlands ward about it and they said asking me was inspired by the Holy Spirit. I was like how? They said by being lead to the people who CAN help in situations. I’m like ok. I told some of the people from the wards I attend (I go to 2 different ones) about my scoliosis. They say I’m sorry and ask if I need anything. I’m like no since my whole family has readjusted to me having scoliosis. I’m glad people ask if they can help as needed but since I readjusted to having scoliosis I’m like no thanks we’ve got this under control. I just wish people would stop asking if I needed help in the way everyone else from the church does. Sometimes people offer to drive me home and I usually refuse unless I know/ trust the person (aka people from my main ward). I know that’s kind of hypocritical of me to ask some people for help and no other people but here’s the thing: I’ve got trust issues and I don’t like having to depend on more people than necessary. The kids at the singles ward are my friends and they’re sweet but I can’t do that to them. Why I can do it to some and not others is beyond me. I’m trying to swallow my pride and ask for help as needed. When I ask for help I do it because: I trust them and like them. I don’t ask people at the singles ward not because I don’t like them it’s because they’re going to have what I call “a running gas bill for me”. I’m also embarrassed about it since I’ve got scoliosis and have muscle spasms since it’s embarrassing about my muscle spasms since I can’t have a license… yet. They keep talking about how driving me wouldn’t be any trouble but would be a blessing. I’m like, “to each his own” but to me since I can’t drive and am embarrassed to ask anyone I’m like no way. The reason I deny them “blessings” is because I’m embarrassed and have been bullied for my muscle disorder in the past so I don’t want to be hurt again. My friends are willing to help me. There’s this 1 guy at the singles ward who refuses to call me Jackie. I’ve told him a couple times. He just calls me “sister.” I’m like that’s great but I have a name. Someone else said, “Her” when referring to me when I was upset over losing my grandfather and honoring the Sabbath day. I don’t think that sister knew my name.

passing out tracts

someone usually passed out tracts. they're usually Jehovah's witnesses. i'm like ok.

deep conditioning

i did a deep conditioning treatment on my hair this morning. it's awesome.

favorite thing to do

apparently my favorite thing to do (according to the LDS singles ward) is doing a disappearing act on them. it's not my choice to do that. my parents are divorced and both prefer my "home ward" (aka the kentlands ward) but they've taken me to my "other ward" (aka the singles ward). once i did a disappearing act around my grandfather's death. my friends were wondering what happened to me, despite many of them being friends with me on social media. another time was for my glasses (i posted a selfie and everyone LOVED my new glasses, despite glasses being super common). once in the spring i went to game night and missed the singles ward and when i returned when the guys were super happy i'm back.

Friday, September 7, 2018

Stress sick

I got stress sick this morning. I was nearly late to class this morning but made it. I got shaky and unwell (I had to use the bathroom a lot as well as throwing up). I'm ok now that I ate something.

Thursday, September 6, 2018


i went to Barnes and noble last Saturday with my brother. it was awesome since 1) i got out of the house and 2) i got apple cider, which i like since it's fall.

double benefit

OK so a friend dropped me off near my garage last game night explaining he wanted to make sure whoever he was driving got home safe and as it had been raining that night (there was still lightning out) i didn't feel OK walking up the driveway despite me usually being OK with it so double benefit.


so after i told a couple elders i'd mentioned them to my mom i went to and said i thought i'd say bye before i left as my mom was there. i think the 1 i said bye to wanted to meet my mom as he was looking like, "can we meet her?"


so i was talking with a couple elders once and 1 was looking at me expectedly so i turned to him and said hi directly to him all girly.

new life

when i was talking about my supposed mission my brother asked why i don't get a new phone "for my new life". i'm like because the girls are taken care of SO well

celestial kingdom

where i promised to see 1 of my friends if i didn't see him again

Raudha Athif

Raudha Athif was a Maldivian Vogue model and medical student who allegedly died by suicide in Rajshahi, Bangladesh, March 29, 2017. Biography: Raudha studied in Hiriya School and Villa International High School in the Maldives. She did an environmental campaign on Maldivian National Television when she was 14. She became known in the Maldives in 2014 after a photoshoot with a Maldivian photographer. She was featured on the cover of Vogue India in October 2016. She started medical school in Islami Bank Medical College in Rajshahi, Bangladesh. She had a scholarship from the Department of Higher Education of Maldives. Only child of Aminath Muharrimath (mother), Mohamed Athif (father). Both parents run a blogspot dedicated to unveiling more information on their daughter's death. Death and controversy: Raudha was found dead in her dorm room in Rajshahi Islami Bank Medical College on 29 March 2017. Her body was discovered by her fellow students. A post-mortem was carried out in Rajshahi Medical College Hospital. The post-mortem began after her father and the Maldivian embassy gave their consent. Her family alleged she was killed by an Islamic extremist for "refusing to wear Islamic clothing". The post-mortem by three doctors concluded it was a suicide. Her death was primarily investigated by Rajshahi Metropolitan Police, who were aided by a visiting Maldives Police Service team. she was buried in Hetemkha Graveyard, Rajshahi. Her funeral was attended by her family members and the Maldivian Ambassador to Bangladesh, Aishath Shann Shakir. Raudha's father, Mohamed Athif, is also a doctor and disputes her death was a suicide. Her father filed a case on 10 April 2017 against Sirat Parvin, a Kashmiri student and her roommate. On 24 April 2017 her body was exhumed by the Criminal Investigation Department who performed a second autopsy. According to a Criminal Investigation Department investigation Raudha committed suicide. Her death was investigated by 60 Minutes in Australia who suggested there might be foul play involved. The most recent autopsy findings on Raudha Athif's death have revealed that Raudha most likely died from blunt-force head trauma, it is now believed her body was hanged by the noose of sheets after her initial death took place. The most notable three findings from department of Forensic Medicine and Toxicology, Govt. Medical College Hospital, Chandigarh are: "1...the weapon of assault (probably a hammer like object) had an oval striking face of about 3.5 x 2.5cms. 2...the assailant was to the left of the victim at the time of assault 3... the assailant was positioned relatively higher than the victim during the attack i.e. the victim was either kneeling /crouching / or sitting, etc..."

hand me downs

i wear a ton of my mom's "hand me downs" (really i'm given the stuff) because i'm "normal size" for a girl and she's tall.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

sorry hon

so a friend apologized for being late texting (it was around 11 pm -1 am California time which is around 3-4 am Maryland time). he offered to get me for church the next day and reminded me it was break the fast day. i'm like "sorry hon" explaining that i'd landed in California from being in Hawaii for a week and that's why i was MIA from texting) and wouldn't be back until the next day (Maryland time). i was happy he thought of me.

awesome yet dumb

so once my mom needed my brother to get me after church, which he forgot to do. i was waiting for him and he said i forgot. i had to wait at break the fast. my mom was mad. i wasn't since i was happy at the break the fast and ate with my friends. unfortunately, my brother forgot to get me after church and didn't get the car refueled. also i had to walk home in the dark and eat chocolate. after that i "disappeared" after that (2 weeks i was in the kentlands ward 2 weeks out of state and then back to the kentlands ward).

The Lady of the Hills

The Lady of the Hills is a name given by the media to the body of an unknown female discovered on the mountain Pen-y-Ghent in Yorkshire, England. The woman was found to have originally come from South-East Asia and despite an international police investigation the identity of the woman, how she got to the location and the cause of her death remain a mystery. Discovery: On Monday 20 September 2004 at 11:30 am a man walking in the vicinity of Pen-y-Ghent alerted the police to the discovery of the body of a dead woman. The man had discovered the body in a well-trafficked location between Pen-y-ghent and Horton in Ribblesdale in a stream called Sell Gill Beck which flows into a cave called Sell Gill Hole. It was thought that the body had been in the stream for some time and that the woman could have died up to three weeks prior to the discovery. The cause of death was not initially apparent and no signs of violence were reported. Description: The woman was thought to be of South-East Asian origin, had dark, shoulder-length hair and was about 1.5 metres tall (4ft 11ins). She was believed to be aged between 25 and 35. The woman had healthy teeth which had a noticeable gap at the front. She was found wearing green jeans, a green and white striped T-shirt and was wearing a wedding ring. The ring was found to be 22 carat and to have been made in Bangkok, Thailand. The woman had pierced ears but no earrings were found. No shoes, warm outer clothing, personal bags of other effects were found at the scene of the discovery. The woman weighed 10 stone (64 kg) but appeared to have gained weight in the years prior to her death and wore a size 12 dress. Initial investigation: Immediately after the discovery the police commenced an extensive investigation. Police questioned walkers using the Pennine Way, conducted house-to-house enquires in the locality and issued letters to local holiday accommodations that appealed for witnesses in multiple languages. Police investigated every sighting in the Yorkshire Dales of women matching the description of the unidentified body dating back to 1 August 2004. A postmortem was undertaken which suggested the woman died between 31 August and 13 September but it did not provide enough information to enable investigators to establish the cause of death. The postmortem indicated that the woman had probably been pregnant at some point during her life. Detective Chief Inspector Pete Martin who was working on the investigation stated that the death was unexplained rather than suspicious. A search of missing persons databases did not produce any matches. A number of countries were been identified as the potential origin of the woman. These countries included: Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore, Thailand, and Vietnam. Analysis of the body indicated that the woman had been in the UK for at least two years prior to her death and that she had probably lived in Cumbria, Lancashire, or the west Yorkshire Dales. Subsequent investigations: In December 2004 the Police produced an e-fit photograph of the woman which was issued to the embassies of a number of Asian countries. At this time time it was believed that the woman could be from Philippines, China or Korea. No meaningful response was received from this appeal. In February 2005 an appeal was made on the BBC program Crimewatch. In May 2007 the inquest heard that the investigation found no evidence of trauma, assault or drowning and it recorded an open verdict. In 2011 the police announced that they were reopening the investigation of 8 unsolved deaths. The 'Lady of the Hills' was one of these cases along with the Sutton Bank Body. In 2018 an appeal was made by the North Yorkshire Police. The appeal was made on Facebook in the Filipino, Thai, and English languages so that the messages could be shared internationally.

Sunday, September 2, 2018


i can't believe how much my mom has come around to my faith. i'm so happy.

missionary dinner

i'm have my friends over on a Thursday. i'll likely have to spend the day cleaning up.