Tuesday, September 30, 2014

new life

Evan woke up and he finally could be who he sees himself. He watched as he transform into a girl. He felt this as young as he could be. Evan's twin brother wasn't the most understanding in this. he knew his best friend crushed on him so much in high school. he wondered how Jackie would react to this. Evan said well she said she'd be ok with most things. Tee said, "would she be ok with you being transgender?" Evan hoped she would. Jackie and Evan met up. He said he had a secret he needed to tell her. I asked what's up? "I'm transgender" Evan said. "I'm an MtF a girl trapped in a boys body. I've always felt like this." "did you feel like this when we kissed? when we went to prom? the allied sports?" I asked. "Evan, I love you. I understand but I am heterosexual." "Evan said, "I understand if you don't want to be my friend but I thought you'd accept it." "I do accept it Evan I do. does this mean your gay? Bi?" I asked. "I love you," Evan said. "lesbian" I say. "what?" Evan asks. "lesbian. girl likes girls. I love you but I'm not like that. I'm sorry Evan" I say. Evan kissed me and then he cried. I cried for Evan, me, Jevan. Tee asked how she took it. She said, "she understands but since I like girls and am transgender she doesn't want to be my girlfriend like I hoped she might." Tee said he thought that might be the case. Evan cried. The next day, I walk around and run into my family friend Matt. He asks how Evan and I am. I say Evan is no more. He gives me a questioning look. I explain about him and his transition. I also explain what Evan is like now. I start crying into my coffee Matthew had gotten me. Matthew takes my hand in his and holds it until I can stop. Matt kisses me and says it'll be alright. He got me napkins so I could blow my nose. Matthew let me grieve as I needed. I was glad Matt could be my support. Evan will always be my best friend but now he is gone. Matt understood. he held my hand and let me cry on his shoulder. later, Matt saw Tee. he asked a few questions about Tee's "sister". Tee said Evan's going through a rough time. Matt asked Tee if Evan will be OK. I hope so, Tee said. Evan's new name is Evangeline. he asked Jackie to see him as Evangeline and put Evan to rest. I said I accept you.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

stupid fanfic

Me and my best friend went to prom together. We loved that so much we hung out more. Then he gets a feeling and then he asks me out. He gets down on 1 knee in full view of our friends and asks me to be his wife. He says he wants to be with me forever. He's in love with me since went to senior prom together. he asks me to come up when he is up at the podium for the student speaker. everyone awe's. I sarcastically laugh and then say shut up. I tell Evan we'll talk later. I storm off the stage and retake my seat. everyone wants to see my promise ring. I listen to the rest of Evan's speech and try to forget what Evan said to me. as I walk across the stage I see my friend and neighbor, Matthew. he claps for me. at the right moment he gets up and he waltzed over and hugged me and kissed me. he says, "good luck in the future. come back for me." he walks back to his seat. Emily walks up and gives me a great big hug. we discuss the possibility of my marriage. I walk across the stage and graduate Northwest high school. that night I am up late thinking about the days events. Evan calls me. he asks if it's hit that we are high school graduates. he asks about his proposal. I told him I thought about it and I told him I'm not really ready for a commitment like that yet. he asks if its about the guy I kissed at graduation. I said no it has nothing to do with him. I just said I don't want that type of commitment. Emily and I are at a store and asked which boy I should choose and she says whoever I want as long as I am happy. I say, "wow you've come a long way dude." She says, "well I want you to be happy." We try on dresses. She says "wow red DOES look awesome on you." I say, "le duh. its because of my dark hair." I explain since I am also half Chinese it would help since red is the national color of china. Emily likes it on me. I say since I have a ton of red pep rallies my junior year was no problem. We choose a red dress for me and a green one for her. I get some red accessories for my hair and green for her hair. I tell her I think I might have a green ribbon I could loan her for her fashion show. We meet up with Alex, Matthew and Evan at the fashion show. Emily and I change into our 1st outfits. Evan and Matt can't take their eyes off me. Alex intently watches Emily. more and more guys come in and can't take their eyes off a certain black haired model. Evan gets up on stage and sings to me. He finally asks me to marry him for real. He stands up and kisses me on the lips. I wake up with a start. I check my blood sugar. my dad comes in and asks if I'm ok. my blood sugar is ok but I had a bad dream. He says, "well get something solid in your body and try doing some yoga." I get something to eat and then I do the sun salutation. I feel better. my friend calls me right as I go down for the downward dog. I grab it, answer it and put it on speaker. "hey Jackie. how are you?" asks the person on speaker. "hey Fernando. you caught me in the middle of the sun salutations. I'm going down to the downward dog." Fernando says, "oh sorry. I can call you later." I explain he was on speaker so I can still do the sun salutations and still talk. He and I talk for a few minutes. he asks why I was doing the sun salutations. I explain I had a bad dream and my dad the doctor said to eat and do some yoga since it's low impact. he asks is it a blood sugar thing? I say, nah my blood sugar is fine but I had a bad dream. my dad gets night terrors. its totally normal. I kind of use it as a white noise. Fernando goes "oh" like he gets it now. I go through the sun salutations one more time. I say I'm done with the sun salutations. he asks if I feel better. I say much. he says he has to go to work. I say have fun. I text Emily. I say I had a bad dream. She asks the same one? the one with Evan and the proposal? I say, Yes. She says well? are you going to do? He HAS asked you when you are awake. I say, I don't know. I also dreamt Matt asked to wait for him. Emily says, wow. torn between 2 lovers. Who are you going to choose? I don't know Em. honestly I didn't since I had feelings for both boys. I'm going to have to figure this out aren't I? Yes you are she replies. no way around it? I ask. nope no way around it, she says. you want to know the WEIRD part? we were in a fashion show and Evan proposed for real, I tell her. Emily says, that actually happened. Really? I ask, wow. I wonder how that happened. how I dreamed what happened yesterday. Matthew calls. I tell Em I have a call and I'll talk to her later. I pick up. He asks if he and I could meet for some coffee. I say, "uh sure. what's up?" Matt says, "I'll explain when we meet up." I tell Emily that Matt and I are meeting up for something. She asks what. I say I wasn't sure. Matthew meet me at Starbucks. He gets me coffee and pushes my seat in. I say, "like a true gentleman." He says, "I need to tell you something.... serious. I haven't told your brother this but can you keep it between you and me?" I ask, "it's not illegal is it? sorry just covering my bases." Matt says, "no. I'm ...... transgender." "right" I say, "and I'm the king of Siam." He looks at me ticked off. "dude, you've been my friends with my family for a while, wouldn't we have known?" I asked. "well I've been able to hide it for a while. now I'm crushing on cute girls. I'm just ready to come out. your brothers aren't 100 open and as nice as you are," Matt says. He also explains he's attracted to me. He says his "package down there" is prosthetic. He can't do it totally on his own. as I let it sink in I tell him my favorite motto, "Love, peace and rock and roll was the motto in my household growing up. doesn't bother me." we hug and kiss. he asks me if I've chosen between him and Evan. I say I haven't. I say I'm not ready for that to be more as friends. I'm not saying I won't eventually. I say I need to be ready. he says that's fine with him. Emily and I are at the same Starbucks later that day as I tell her what our friend told me. "So Matthew's transgender? wow. never thought that was possible." Alex and Evan come with our drinks, Alex hands Emily her drink and asks her to read what's on the cup. "Emily Abramson, I love you marry me?" Emily reads. She looks for Alex and sees him kneeling with a ring. Emily accepts and kisses Alex. Evan tries the same thing I say, "nice try Evan." Mrs. Deming comes into Starbucks and says hi to me and Evan. I tell her the squealing girl is my buddy who just got proposed to. I introduce Emily to Mrs. Deming. Matthew comes over and I introduce Mrs. Dalton to Matt. they shake hands and Matthew hands me a drink. I say, "I hope its not another cheesy proposal." "cheesy proposal?" Matthew asks. I explain what Alex did to Emily and what Evan just did. Matthew says, "Jackie, I know you and that Evan guy have a special relationship but will you marry me?" as he says this he pulls out an engagement ring and gets down on 1 knee. I look down at Evan's ring he'd given me at graduation. I say, "I need some air." Mrs. Deming comes with me and asks who I'm going to choose. I say I'm not sure. I've pretty much been running on borrowed time with both. I think I'm going to give Evan his ring back in a "quiet fashion". I ask Mrs. Deming to have Evan come outside. I quietly say, "I'm sorry Evan. I'm going to marry Matthew. I love you." Jackie walks back into the Starbucks and asks if Matthew will still take her to be his wife. he says yes. I pull him up and we kiss. I say, "Everybody Jackie and Matthew are officially engaged to be married." Evan cries. a few months later, we see Jackie walking up the aisle and Matt cried to see his beautiful blushing bride. he made the right choice. he Came out to her as transgender and then she accepted his proposal. they said their vows. As Jackie looked at her SBFF, fellow happily married woman and bridesmaid Emily she smiled. Jackie and Matt kissed.

Monday, September 1, 2014

forensic files

So one of my friends thought I would like this show called forensic files. She's right and now I am obsessed with it. Something I don't like is my family thinks they can watch these shows with me. I can't believe my family thinks that. it's my alone time since I get very little with my brothers around (I have 3) and am surrounded by my family constantly. I don't mind at all but some of the material in the show is graphic. one of my favorite parts of the show is when the narrator says, "prosecutors believe" and the narrator says what prosecutors believe is the truth. sometimes it's not the truth and once the person had been incarcerated but was innocent. at the end is where the prosecutors say what they REALLY investigate. they use real techniques. once when mom, Jeff and Hunter were watching it they were talking when it came on. I said, "shut it." that way I could hear what was going on during the show. had it been anything else I wouldn't have cared. since I was watching my show it was annoying to listen to them do that. the thing is I like my "me time". I need it since I'm hardly alone and constantly need it. it also relaxes me since I like cold hard facts and prosecutors show these cold hard facts. I once wrote a paper on forensic files and it was apparently so good my peers thought it was my major. I'm not saying its out of my realm of possibilities for a major. I love forensic science and all the shows that goes along with it. I like forensic science and maybe I'll use those skills in a science lesson since my mom wants me to get a teaching major. some of my friends are watching them as well. they seem to like it. I once put it as my status "forensic science right?" one of my best friends is now hooked as well as I am. my family likes it much to my annoyance. I'm not mad more annoyed since I don't want them to be hooked to the same things I am. they'll occasionally watch them with me. my brother would walk in and ask what the case was. my brother asked me if some criminals who commit heinous crimes should be allowed for a parole hearing. one time I said I was doing a criminal justice class and my former classmate said I was "living the dream." I was like yeah, my ASL dream not a forensic science dream. another former classmate asked if I was still doing forensics. I also said criminal justice holding a JD Robb book to my old English teacher saying what class I had next. another classmate said my essay was really good and that's why they thought it was my major.