Sunday, September 22, 2013


a lot of people have been asking me if I'm dating this guy I went to prom with. let me set the record straight: no I am not dating anyone. I'm still single. if I weren't I'd have changed my relationship status on Facebook. I've seen the guy I went to prom with (Evan) but we aren't alone that often. we've only been alone twice. both times grabbing lunch. it was a normal friend thing to do. we hang out a lot. my mom likes seeing us together as we have "similar coloring". I like seeing him as a friend. during after prom we got a caricature and everyone went nuts over it since he and I were there together and in the caricature together. we also got pictures and a photo strip. it was so cute. I honestly tried to stay up really late. luckily it wasn't that bad. he's a nice guy but is a little to gentlemanly. once I said we needed napkins and he offered to get them. I was already up so I offered to grab them since it was convenient. he opens doors for me, gets things for me. he's a sweetie but I'm an independent person so its a little strange. I grew up with 3 younger brothers so I learned to fend for myself. its not uncommon for me to "fend for myself" in situations without my brothers. of course it's still sweet of him to act like a gentleman around me. yesterday I saw him and treated him to lunch. of course he was trying to be a romantic guy but of course I still covered his lunch along with mine. luckily it wasn't too expensive. his mom had taken the picture of us after the lunch. she posted it on Facebook (she tagged me in it)and people started liking that picture like crazy, including myself. what's nuts is that I've never had a picture (my own or tagged in) having more than 10-15 likes. it was a refreshing change of pace which was cool. although that picture he had his arm around me and it looked like we were dating. it shows how he's changing. one thing that makes me a little freaked out is how Evan's nature is changing. I asked him to prom (which he said yes as friends). he started acting friendly to me. like once I was taking a drink out of my water bottle and thought everyone else was out of the gym due to a water break. I lifted the water bottle to my mouth and saw Evan on the end of the water bottle. I took my drink and asked him what was up. he said, nothing and asked what was up with me. I said nothing. he started acting like that even though he and I went to prom as friends. he bought me a necklace from Boulder, Colorado. again that's so weird because he's my friends. he flirted like crazy during allied softball, the senior banquet and prom. it freaked me out a little since I thought he wanted to be my friend. I noticed him acting differently since a ton of guys have crushed on me and flirted like crazy. luckily I was able to know the signs of flirting. he was so cute flirting during the senior banquet. although it felt a little weird since I wanted it to be a last time before prom and I wanted to go out with a bang. he said, I'd see Trevor his twin brother there. I saw Trevor but only saw him a couple times. I only spoke with him once. I spent my time with Evan primarily. he was cute when he danced for me. it was a little weird since I was trying to relax and take a break. I was OK with it. I thought, "OK impress me", which he did. he also bumped me in the back probably to get my attention, which it did for a little bit. I turned away because it was awkward. what was more awkward was that he grabbed my arm and asked where I was going. I don't remember if it was to answer my phone or to go to the bathroom. what's also weird is that he seems to be into what I'm into. he's asking about ASL (American sign language), diabetes and pretty little liars. I understand ASL since its an interesting topic but pretty little liars is a chick series. not to be derogatory to me and my fellow gender but it is a chick series. most people who watch the TV show and read the book series are girls. I wonder why all of a sudden he's into ASL. he says he has no idea why he likes it. a couple of my friends say he's changing his interests to get my attention but it could be because he wants to find common ground and talk. I've done some stuff about diabetes considering I have it. he's even asked if he could watch me test my blood sugar. it was a little nerve wrecked since no one other than my family (step-dad and SBFF included) saw me test my blood sugar. it was a little weird because I didn't know he was curious about that. luckily he didn't do anything that would bother me doing it. that would been extremely bad. he probably didn't want to see me getting Power Ade zero yesterday. it's a tasty drink on and off the court. it's also a nerve settler since I was nervous about seeing Evan yesterday and paying for the lunch. I often would meet up and have fun. I'm not sure why he and I are "cute together" but its nice to have someone like that. people told me that about every time I told some people Evan & I were going to prom together. actually they said, "aw." and "do you like him?" I explained he and I were going as friends. they said, "do you want to go as more?" I said, I was fine with going as friends. I didn't tell them that he started acting friendly to me. although everyone loved me and Evan entering prom together. before he and I went he waited until I asked him to sit next to him. which wouldn't have been bad except it was in his house. little freak eh? its nice because he's actually flirting like crazy with me. although I wonder if he feels the same way about me as I feel about him. I think he might. he and I have started the "kiss" phase in our friendship. he and I kiss, hold hands sit close together. occasionally I'll put my head on his shoulder but he'll shake since he's on anti-seizure medication. on Friday he flirted with me with his parents sort of in the room (the kitchen and living room are connected). he was weird about sitting next to me at prom but Evan's his own person and rarely is like anybody else.

Monday, September 16, 2013


I got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes on september 20th, 2012. I've been very happy because i know how to take care of myself now. I've been able to cope with diabetes a lot better now that i've accepted it. It took me a while but finally accepted it's not going away in the blink of an eye. I can live with it. I'm always happy to be part of a community that takes care of one another.

People don't often know that i am diabetc in the sence that they still offer me sugary sweets and stuff that would normally be bad for a diabetic. Like once during handball i was restricted sugary sweets and soda then a friend offered me something from her senior basket. I said, "no thanks." Then i got permission to go to the bathroom. I ran into that "safe haven." I wasn't so lucky for the day after Halloween. I was able to handle it a little better.

During the senior handball game i forgot to test before the game and most likely had several attacks one after another after another. my coach and co-coach suggested I test, which I didn't do. The team could tell there was something wrong with me. They probably were concerned. During the senior handball game we had to keep pulling me out because i looked off a lot. I was sick. I didn't feel good. my blood sugar must've been messed up. Probably because it's the last game. my hormones were off. although Mrs. H (the coach) "outed me". the other team mates were like, "oh that explains it" since I was acting nuts. the day after the game I checked in with her and reported my blood sugar was normal. she asked what it was last night. I said, "off the charts" which was probably true.

Not much is diffrent about my life. I just have to be careful with my sugar and stuff. I've been in situations that've been VERY stressful for me and my body. Like more recetly i was at prom and i was off. I kept leaving the dance hall to recover. I spent most of prom dancing but i could have some stressful situations. The day before prom i had a minor attack. I was ok. I needed to take it easy. I once washed off my face to take it easy. I got my face all ok. I could tell i looked funny. My teacher told me i looked pale and off. My friends responded really nicely. They acted concerned when they had to. My best guy friend knew exactly what to do since his dad has the necessary equipment if he (the dad) had an attack.

I wore my medic alert braclet the day before prom because i wasn't feeling (or looking) ok. I felt like a zombie. I talked to my friend who also has diabetes and said he feels zombie like when his blood sugar is off. I'm glad i have such an accepting school and classmates. I had a couple of attacks but none in school before so i was a little embarassed. I had friends, classmates and teachers who knew what they were doing. I'm glad i have such a great school. my group mates in a project I was in offered me to sit out. I know diabetes is bad but not enough to kill my grade. I warned every teacher, group mate and everyone who was important enough to tell.

I didn't hide my diabetes per say. I wasn't comfortable talking about it in front of others so i was scared. A couple of teachers at Northwest high school outed me as a diabetic. I'm ok with it mostly. I was scared but i was able to figure out the sugar count in most items if they have the serving size. Like once i had someting in film as lit class. It was 1 serving was 2 cookies and in 1 serving was 9 grams of sugar. I did the math and figured 1 cookie wouldn't kill me. My teacher was concerned i would eat more sugar and get sick. I can eat sugar as long as it doesn't mess with my blood sugar that much. besides I ate the chocolate in the award presented to me.

Nowadays as long as i have a set structure i'm allowed to do pretty much everything. I can eat anything as well. Long as i get into a routine i can actually do anything. People have helped me when i need it. its rare I ever have an attack. I have emergencies but they are due to hormones. For example, I had an anxiety attack after a senior exam. The senior handball game was another example of that. it was nuts.

as September 20th approaches again I'm reminded of when I was diagnosed with diabetes. I was scared. I'd had no warning. worst of all it was the day of my 1st handball game so I was already scared. I asked a few friends and they all reacted the exact same way. "oh come on. I'm already nervous about my game. why now? why today?" I wasn't playing at 100%. namely because I was partially distracted from my diagnosis. everyone was so sweet about my diabetes. especially my coaches and teachers. Mrs. H opened up her room in order for me to test my blood sugar in, which was above and beyond what I could've asked for. my forensic science teacher was amazing too. The substitute and the real one cared about my diabetes. they were warned about my diabetes so they could handle it in case of emergency.

I've only tested in front of 2 people outside of my family (stepdad included in family). Emily (who is my SBFF) and Evan (my team mate). when I tested in front of Emily she tried helping by pulling my finger to get the blood to my finger, which scared me a little. Evan was a sweetie about the whole thing. I showed him every single step. people did want to see me test but I wasn't super comfortable with it yet. I'm still not. I don't know if I ever will. my friend who knows what to do says "there's nothing wrong with it." my mom said he isn't wrong about testing on front of others. ok sure I'm not super comfortable with it. Long as no one interferes with me testing I have no problem testing my blood sugar in front of them. I've done it public several times. Once during bocce ball practice I got a weird feeling as though someone was staring at me while I was testing. I turned around and its my team mates wondering what I was doing. once they say me with a lancet they realized, "oh she's testing her blood sugar." once during a bocce ball meeting I said, I should check my blood sugar so I could decide if I could have candy or not. (it was high so I decided against it).