Tuesday, May 22, 2018


I still get flashbacks from the church in Hawaii. It was awesome and nice my mom found it. It was also unexpected

Introduce me

Why on earth was it the elders in Hawaii's job to introduce me. I can do it myself. Also getting stuff: if I can I prefer to do it myself

eat WAY too much chicken

i usually can't eat certain meats due to a hormone problem that causes my muscles to cramp really badly. those certain meats along with my back hurting and sitting for too long are risk factors for my muscle disorder. so when i can i eat WAY too much meat when i can. i told my mom, "did you notice how much chicken and turkey i'm eating tonight?" when i we had chicken and turkey since i usually can't eat it.

Monday, May 21, 2018

vegan cookie dough

something i LOVE making and eating. i could eat it all day long. it's generally low calorie, low in fat and an egg less alternative to traditional cookie dough. i don't bake them so i eat vegan cookie dough.

jaw dropped

so i told a couple missionaries how old i was and 1 elder's jaw dropped. he and his companion thought i was like 18-19.


So my aunt once asked me to give her a prayer for her friend who is also Mormon. It took me a long time to give her. Mainly it was about me going, "uuuuuhhhhh". I gave her 1 since I had guidance.

Sunday, May 20, 2018


i mention my friends from the ward all the time to my family and i mention my family all the time to people at both wards. for some reason when i mentioned to my friends about mentioning them to my mom 1 was happy. i'm like, why? i talk about you all a ton.

dump my friends for others

it occasionally seems like i dump certain people for others. if i don't see them often than the ones do see on a regular basis: bye.

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Overly nice people

I usually meet them via church. Usually people from church are super sweet. Sometimes they are so nice they often kill me with kindness. I don’t mind often; although, at my baptism it was expected since people were there to celebrate my baptism and give me a huge “birthday party”. So far they’ve: offered to walk me out twice, had dinner with me, gave me lunch for the next day, asked if they could serve me several times. I’m super OK with this since it’s awesome. My friends often want to help me out despite being a tomboy. i try giving them stuff to make up for it.

cute baby videos

i love watching videos where babies are the "stars". they're usually very cute. 1 was about a bunch of babies laughing in syncopation. another is a boy laughing at ripped paper.

my long curly hair

My hair is my pride and joy. I love it so much. I take care of it like it’s my baby. I love my hair. I often try new things and my hair styles are no exception. I got my hair cut a month ago and love it. Unfortunately, my hair grows like a weed and its back to the length it was prior to the cut. Also it’s curly so my hair is long and curly and super hard to tame the unruly mess. I wonder why I wasn’t born with long straight Asian hair. I’m born with curls. Not that I don’t love my hair curly I need my hair straighter so I can do more with it than put it in a bun, a pony tail and a head band. I’ve tried straightening it or combing it while wet so it stays straight but it’ll curl the minute it’s dry. I have long bangs. Technically, they’re side bangs but I can braid it so my bangs are long. While I played sports, if my hair was long I tied it back and have ponytails a lot. I loved having my hair long as a kid. I like having my hair as long as it needs to be. My mom said she didn’t get her hair cut as often when she was my age so I’m now forced to have long hair. After my 1st year at university I got my hair cut. A month after I was baptized I got my hair cut. 18 months later I got it trimmed. I love my hair. It’s 1 of the main things I can do to change my appearance. I do my nails but my hair is my pride and joy. I love it more than my nails. I’m often trying out new styles and hair do’s. On my 18th birthday I got myself a new hairdo. It’s a nice gift to me. I loved it. I had to say goodbye to the hair dyed girl I was in high school. I once went months from getting my hair cut in elementary school. Then I had my hair tied when I slept. Something I’ve got to do since my hair is so unruly. Since its super curly I’ve tried to “tame it”. I’ve tried straightening it, pulling it into a bun, wearing headbands, etc. I like having my hair in messy buns as well. Once I had tons of ear jewelry and it’s awesome. I’ve also tried the Elsa braid. It didn’t work since my hair was short at the time. When my hair is in a bun it’s usually in a messy bun since it’s still pretty long and super curly. The ear jewelry I have is earrings (real and fake). Once in church I had 3 earrings in 1 ear (2 real 1 fake) and my hair was in a messy bun and it’s awesome. Of course someone noticed my ear candy. It wasn’t a problem since it wasn’t brought up but my hair can hide earrings but since I like my hair in a bun it’s harder to hide my jewelry. Curly hair is awesome. I love it, despite me wanting it to be straight. I like my hair long and down often. Although when I’m out and about I’m usually having my hair up. Even in church, I’ll have my hair in a bun. Course my hair is super long and curly it’s hard to control a lot. I also tend to use a lot of shampoo on my hair (length and thickness and all). Plus I’ve got bad dandruff so using a ton of dandruff shampoo is super important to maintaining my hair. Even if I cut my hair super short and get a ton of the thickness cut off my hair will grow back to within an inch of its former length within 6 weeks. My long hair is the result of getting it cut super short as often as I can. I often need my hair to be short: college kid and being a tomboy. When I get my hair cut it’ll be itchy for a day and then it’ll be fine. My long hair is super hard to maintain.

best friend

my ex-best friend/ ex-boyfriend graduated yesterday. i texted him and i'd mentioned hoping to go on a mission when i graduate. he seemed interested. i mentioned about my "going away party" in a few years. hopefully we're still on good enough terms he can come.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

lunch "date"

i'm hanging out with a friend tomorrow. we're meeting for dumplings. mom's suggestion. he and i are friends only. he's kind of funny since he saw i was back from "ditching everyone" for a few weeks. (i've got a video on that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ffy69dmWuvo) i think that's his normal confused face. he's also someone i might've asked to help tutor me since i knew him if i needed help.


i might be hanging out at a dumpling place i love. I've gotta check with my mom since she might have other plans

Wednesday, May 16, 2018


I find it very weird since my friend Brad’s mom introduced since I’m very friendly with Brad but I wasn’t super close to the family prior to meeting them. I was just sitting out in a couch and I wasn’t paying attention since I was listening to green river running red. The mom decided to introduce me to her son since he’d just returned from his mission. He asked me a few questions but didn’t answer my questions. A week later I was asked out by Brad. A month ago I passed on information since I figured they’d like the place I love.

dry skin

i've got horrible dry skin. no matter how much stuff i put onto my skin i'm usually going to have dry skin forever.

rant videos

i love making ranting videos. i can blabber on about what i'm thinking and feeling and then upload it to you tube for other people who hopefully feel the same way to enjoy.


One day a girl was looking thru an old chest and she found an old letter. It was written in calligraphy. It read, Dear Sally, I’m writing this to tell you about my suicide. I’m sorry to tell you about it since I know I’m leaving everyone. I feel like I’m alone in the world. My family disowned me for being transgender and I’m without my family. Julie Smith She thought about the uncle who was disowned. Her uncle was disowned since he was transgender and no one was accepting of it. She wondered why her family hadn’t told her about her “aunt”. She asked about her “aunt” but they didn’t answer her. They pretended they didn’t hear her. She kept asking. The grandma said her “son” has died and they never spoke to him. The girl was so sad that she never got to know her “aunt.” The girl asked to see her “uncle’s” grave. The family refused since they didn’t know where it was. The girl looked up all the possible “Julie Smith’s” online. They found her. She was in an unmarked grave since she did commit suicide. The girl was so upset since she never learned when the “son” was born and passed away as a daughter. The family was unwilling to hold a proper funeral for the woman. The family refused to let the girl set up a proper funeral since she wasn’t a blood relative. A few years later the girl was able to do it without a problem and didn’t bother invite her family. They overheard and tried shutting it down. The state trooper refused to allow the family in. They said the girl had no right to rebury the woman in the family plot. The state trooper said it was in the same plot where the “Jane doe” was being laid to rest so there was no need to care. They were furious since they were taking their inheritance. The trooper explained that it was her money to do it. The family asked to talk with her after the service. She relented. She asked what they wanted. “Why are you reburying the person we excommunicated?” her family asked. “Because she’s my aunt and I love her. You have every right to be pissed off at me but I’m doing what’s right for her,” Sally said. The family excommunicated her as well. She didn’t mind since they hadn’t called her since graduating college. The mom wondered about her “brother” and asked the parents. They were trans-phobic. They asked about why a person would want to change their gender. The mom asked the daughter to teach her about transgender people. The girl explained that some people are: gay, straight, bisexual and transgender. Other people aren’t attracted to anyone. Most people aren’t LGBTQ but it’s something in them. They also don’t have the same rights and it’s OK since it’s not them. The mom said, “Wow I’m surprised about it.” She wanted to learn about it.

One day

There was a woman who was living her life. Her name was sally. She was estranged from her family since she came out as transgender. One day she got a phone call. It was from her brother Louis. It was about their parents. “What do they want now that they haven’t wanted from me that they haven’t gotten out of their system?” she asked referring to the last time they saw her the day she came out as transgender. “Sally, they’re dead,” Louis said. “Not funny,” she retorted. “Sally, their funeral is in a week. I’d love it if you came,” Louis said, “you can stay at my place. I’ve got a nice studio apartment in the basement of my place. It would mean a lot to me if you came.” “I’ll think about it,” Sally relenting. She did think about it for a few days and decided to go. “Aunt Sally,” her Brother Louis’ kids greeted her. “Hi rug rats … I mean kids,” Sally said, “hi Louis. Where’s Jo?” “She’s at the store. Let me show you to your bedroom. Kids, get out of the way of your Aunt Sally’s suitcase. Can you let us have a minute alone? Kids,” Louis said. “Yeah I can’t relate,” Sally said, “transgender and all?” “Right, this way,” he said, “I’m glad you came here Sally.” “Same… I guess,” Sally said dully. “You ok?” he asked. “Well I haven’t exactly been back here since…. Well you know,” she explained. “Right; Yeah I’m sorry for that,” he said. “I’m not surprised you all didn’t accept me. It seemed like it came out of nowhere,” she said. “I’m so sorry Sally. I’d like to make up for it. My wife was explaining to me that people who come from traditional families aren’t as accepting and that many people are who they are. I’d like that to change between us, Sally. I’ve already called Lucy and Shane and they’ve come around somewhat,” Louis explained. “That’s nice but I’m living the best life I can right now. Maybe I can take some time off, not right now since I’m in the middle of a modeling contract but maybe in the future to try and be a real family,” Sally said, “Sorry mom and dad had to die in order for us all to come back together. “I’d like that, maybe you can come and take care of my kids some times,” Louis said. “Of course; I’d love to reconnect to you all,” Sally exclaimed. In the end Sally, Louis, Shane and Lucy all kept in contact. They weren’t the perfect family but they had a better understanding of themselves.


I ran out of allergy medicine. I'm able to recognize allergies in others since I'm an allergy sufferer myself

Ankle injury

My back makes me have more leg and ankle injuries but it's awesome since I taught myself to do things sans legs. I can do so many things even with an injury

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

mention my family

whenever i'm in church i often mention my family, though i rarely say their names. it would be like this: "my brother suggested i do this" or "my brother said that". it's like "my brother, my brother, my brother, my mom my dad" on repeat.