the "book" i'm working on

My journey as a Mormon By Jackie Tzou Chapter 1 So, I was walking around and then someone said they’d show me around the next time I was free, which was on my birthday I was like ok. When I 1st came I was super nervous. Now I’m ok with going to church on a regular basis. It’s also to the point now that I don’t mind taking breaks from certain wards for a month at a time if necessary. My friends from a singles ward are super happy whenever I “come back” or “am invited and show up”. I find it torture as I’m like I’m just another person who isn’t super special in any way shape or form as I’m just a friendly face in the crowd. Even if they know where I am, they’re always happy to “have me back” after going somewhere else for a little bit. An example of this would be me getting my eyes checked and coming back after 3 weeks “away” (transferred to my old ward closer to my glasses place). Everyone commented on my new glasses and my matching accessories/ outfit. I said, “it was so weird being back” but everyone loved me being back as they missed me. It’s super annoying but it’s super sweet. Other times people seem to understand me “switching”. Like when I was in the kentlands ward for a few weeks to take care of a family who had lost the mom, who was a dear friend to me. My friends understood and let me switch and come back as needed. I said, “hey. Just got back from the funeral. Didn’t do much as I’m totally numb to the whole thing.” Everyone was sad for me. When I came back for 1 weekend and then went back after game night, I’m like, “idea.” My idea was making the youngest and only girl a crocheted hat and scarf as a pick me up. It was also in harry potter style colors as well as she likes that series. When I was going back after being back in the ward 1 weekend he joked, “buh buh buh I need you.” I shot back, “buh buh buh they need me.” I’d run into an acquaintance who said we hadn’t seen each other in a while. I was too embarrassed to explain where I’d run off to and why especially as I wasn’t super close with that person at that time. During the month of December last year, I’d “taken a break” to take care of the family who had lost the mom 2 months prior and someone had made a point of making sure I knew I was welcome to come to a party. I explained I’d try coming but I was mostly focusing on my friends’ family who had lost the mom 2 months prior and would see them when and if I could. When I started going to the singles ward, I was super nervous. I only knew the leader. As time passed, I’d started making friends and being included even if I was still going to a “family” ward. My 1st activity, I’d ran into someone I’d met on my 1st day at the ward. The 2nd time I’d gone to the singles ward I was still super nervous and wanted to be a fly on the wall rather than join in as I was still nervous. Someone had told me to sit with them. I’m like ok. There are still times I’d rather be a fly on the wall and not say much during church but I’m there for the head count. I wasn’t unfriendly I was just super nervous. I’m not on pins and needles around the singles ward any more. I might be a little nervous around them but not on pins and needles like I was my 1st few times I was there. I’ve done a few “video diaries” at the singles ward. Many people have “guest starred” in those videos. Once I was like hi brother so and so. I’d explained what I was doing. That was a fun thing to do. I’m still occasionally still nervous around my friends from the singles ward. It’s whenever I’m put on the spot or am invited and I’m taking a break for whatever reason. I’m grateful to be included when I’m taking a break. The 1st time I’d taken a significant break someone from the singles ward reminded me about break the fast and offered me a ride. I’m like thanks but I’m out of town and wouldn’t be in church. After that break I was welcomed back, and people asked where I’d ran off to. Also, I’d met missionaries who weren’t there prior to me “leaving”. A friend from the singles ward who converted to the faith was very excited to tell me he knew my brother. Hunter (my brother) said this Michael kid, the one who said he knew my brother, knew me. He didn’t say the dude’s last name, so I wasn’t sure who the kid was. I thought I knew but Hunter had said the kid wasn’t LDS. I’m like yes, he is. He’s a convert, weirdo. Another guy from the singles ward knew my brother. I’m like wow this world is getting smaller and smaller by the moment. I didn’t realize I’d known the person until my brother has said the dude’s name. I’m like I know him. Some of the people from my home ward have checked on me when I’d lost my grandfather and I was granted space as needed but also encouraged to ask for help as needed from anyone in the ward. I was happy for that as well as my friends helping me out with my move back and checking on me from time to time. Even among all the parties, pizza and fun I’ve had the church has helped me in ways I could never have imagined. I’m able to do public speaking because of the church. It’s provided comfort to me and my family when I’d lost my last grandparent. I’m able to mission trips and help others. When I lost my grandfather in December 2017 my brother had begged me to offer him a posthumous baptism. At first, I was like no because I didn’t want to get in trouble because of my family’s rejection of my faith. I eventually relented and asked if I could do it and the offer was rejected. I was stunned my brother had asked me to do that. I hadn’t known at that point that he’d been meeting with missionaries and had accepted a book of Mormon on his own. I’m like, wow as I was my family’s only exposure to my faith. When I’d finally lost my grandfather, all I wanted to do was cry my eyes out on the couch until I had to go back to school in a couple days. I still did that, but I wasn’t myself at church. My mom had dragged me there saying I needed to go and get some relief. I’m like, “ok” while crying. Everyone was super nice about me losing my grandfather and asked if there was anything, they could do for me. I’m like no not yet. When I’d lost my grandfather, a friend offered a blessing or just t be there to talk. I’m like thanks but right now I need tons of space. I was super grateful for everyone’s support and that’s how I was able to support my friends who I felt needed my attention when they lost the mom and I’d lost a friend. I was able to give them a sympathetic pierced ear and acted Christ like. Also, apparently me bring there to support my friends was a blessing to them and the entire ward as well. I’m like sure was. I’m happy to keep an eye on anyone who needs me. When I was at the funeral, I was able to talk with the family and help a friend who needed her hand held during the viewing. I was completely numb during the thing. It was like that during the whole time I knew about her passing. When I found out she’d passed I was, “hey, what’s that? Oh my gosh Elizabeth.” Luckily, I could still text people (meaning I wasn’t out of my mind grief that I had SOME sense of doing things). It was then my mom said I could transfer back. I needed to grieve myself as well as help my friends from the home ward. I even gave the closing prayer and was asked to do that while giving them a card. I called it “mission Mansfield” to take care of that family when they needed it. My friends from the singles ward were happy I was helping the family who lost the mom to caner and were willing to share me with those who needed me more. Most didn’t know I’d lost my grandfather 10.5 months prior to “mission Mansfield” starting but they understood I’d needed to help them grieve and because of my own understanding of losing a serious loved one I could empathize with them. Many people randomly checked on me, prayed for me and wanted me to feel our heavenly father’s love for my family. I’m happy I’d get some love. When I was going to my grandfather’s graveside service we’d passed where the temple was and I’m inside screaming yay. Chapter 2 So, I wanted to a full-time mission but because of mitigating factors I’m unable to do so. Many people who know me know about my energy. From knowing about American sign language to my working knowledge of criminal justice and forensic science. I’m a little disappointed since I’m unable to do a full-time proselyting mission but whatever I can do to help my faith grow in any way it can is good enough for me. Since I’m only doing a service mission, I’d be able to help in interfaith workings. My brother told me last night that thru his church there were ways I could serve others. I’m like, “wow that’s nice of him.” I’m assuming my mom told him about my inability to serve a full-time mission and am instead doing a “local” (service) mission. My friend said it’s not my mom’s business to tell my brother about my service mission. I’m like but he wants to help and can give me ideas on how to help with community outreach. That is what my mom likely told my brother and he told me something to help me out. The former mission president’s wife said I’d be great wherever I serve. That’s sweet. My mom originally tried to meet with her and her husband, but she said the bishop decided these things. She knows my energy too. She’d seen it in my 4 years of knowing me. She also noted it during my baptism saying I had an infectious laugh as I was laughing about something likely stupid. I have TONS of passion for things. Not just a mission trip but other things as well so maybe community outreach will be good for me to do. There are tons of “missionary moments” found in life. I’ve had a couple. One was me accidentally leaving out my standard works and my brother had mistaken it as a dictionary. Another was me being an example to my classmates when I had drunken some caffeinated beverage before dancing. I had bad muscle spasms those days and showed that if you’re an epileptic be careful around caffeine and sports as you might have an episode after consuming a large amount of caffeine. Another major “missionary moment” I’d had was bumping the dad who’d lost his wife a couple months ago. I wasn’t fully paying attention but had said hi to him and asked him how he was. Apparently, the family had gotten back from New Mexico or something in that area from visiting family. They are also possibly smaller like witnessing to other people and being a good friend to others are good examples. My friends all want me to help even if I’m not going on a traditional mission. They say small missionary moments and having things out will be my part in sharing the gospel. I’m like that’s great but I’d rather be on a mission rather than helping. Not to say service missionaries aren’t great. Especially if I can do community outreach and share the gospel in my own way that’s awesome. Many people could help the missionaries who are ON missions. I was roped in unwillingly to try convincing my brother to become a Mormon twice as “my testimony would have more weight than theirs would” as they put it. The 2nd pair of elders asked him to watch general conference (an idea I might’ve floated) but he declined. Both times I wasn’t all gung-ho about it. I was ok with helping them out as the buffer and all but once they got ahold OF my brother and he agreed to meet with them the guys asked me instead of being the buffer to help them by bearing my testimony and helping them convert him. They’d explained to me why they needed my help. They wanted to use me as more manpower. I was like, “gah fine I’ll help.” When I’d asked him to watch general conference with me, he cut me off by saying no before I could finish the sentence. The next day he’d explained that general conference wasn’t his thing and that’s why he’d declined watching it with me. I’d asked the guys if they’d managed at all to get ahold of Hunter and they said yes but he’d rejected the offer. I met some missionaries when I started going to church. Many of them are nice. One was uptight during his 1st part of his mission but relaxed by the end. I’m assuming that was because the guy was nervous and likely needed to relax and once, he did he was fine. A few of the guys have had attractions to me. As nice as some are, I’m not interested in a few. One said his highlight of the day was giving me a blessing. My mom and I were like aw. Another was like ooh yay she mentioned me despite me “mentioning” him by saying things like “his last name is weirder than mine.” Cute on both but mainly friendly to people. Once I was running with my dog and bumped into a couple missionaries. They’d asked if I’d read the book of Mormon and I’d explained yes, I had as I was 1. They said they’d love to meet with me but many a time the meetings have continually dropped. I told my brother and his friend that if 2 missionaries came up the driveway to slam the door in their faces. Mainly as they’ve met me, they’d skip my driveway. I would’ve done it for them given the chance as they already met me. I’d seen a couple when I was running off to the calendar place at the outlets. I would’ve said hi if I hadn’t been running off to get to the place on time. I also would’ve offered to buy them a snack from somewhere if I’d had time as well. Once when I was traveling in Hawaii, I went to church. I’m like can you help me? He’d gotten me 2 elders to help me out. He was busy looking for someone to help me. I was like oh yay. They were over nice to me. I’m like ugh too much kindness. They introduced me to everyone and got me stuff. They told me to take the message home when I did the LDS institute. I was like ok as I was grabbing my flashlight out of my bag and shoving my phone back into it. I’d said I’d see the guy in heaven. He said the top level of heaven? I said yes. Mainly as I’m terrified of him. Those missionary moments are often a way for people to have spiritual experiences in their lives. I don’t often connect them to my faith but I’m like ok. My friends do. Like “mission Mansfield” they linked wit me serving them. All I did was keep and eye on them. Chapter 3 Visiting and home teachers are an integral part of the church. Many people in the church often check on each other. My 1st set of home and visiting teachers left. They were a husband and wife; the husband being my home teacher and the wife my visiting teacher. They came over with dinner when I was house sitting once. I’m like ok. This wasn’t something I was opposed to, but my mom didn’t care for it at first. I loved my 1st set of home and visiting teachers but love my other ones similarly. When my 1st set left they gave me chocolate. I shared a small amount with my brother as he’d corralled Rosie into the other room. They’d given me macadamia nut cookies on special occasions. My 2nd home teacher I knew by sitting near them when I 1st converted. My 3rd home teacher I’m getting to know better but I’m not close to. My visiting teachers are friends of mine when I converted and enjoy talking to on occasion. My mom was again opposed to help the church occasionally gives but has come to accept it if I help too, which I do as needed. Once I arrived so early, I had to help opening the building multiple times over. Another time I was waiting for my dad to arrive and help by cleaning the place. I’m like let me help. I am so glad I could help when and if I am needed. I’m often telling them, “give me something to do unless you want me sitting on my butt playing on my phone.” My visiting teacher often gives me rides and sometimes with her herd of kids. It’s awesome and very sweet. Too sweet sometimes as she’s been offering me rides every time of late. If I’d needed her that much, I’d set up an uber account. I’m not saying that she can’t offer just be aware of the times you offer. My favorite thing they’d done was give me a birthday present when I wasn’t expecting it. I love it since it was unexpected. Visiting teachers often give me things and my home teacher checks in on me occasionally. He’s asked me about my birthday and helped with my last blessing I’d requested. He hoped my back would ease up the pain once the weather warmed up, which I think so too and was happy I’d cut back on my pain killers as that can-do real damage to me. I told him I’m happy too as I’m in less pain and much better. Chapter 4 When I gave my talk, my mom dragged everyone to the kentlands ward. I loved it but was absolutely terrified to give the talk. My mom was nervous for my talk and so was I. My mom and brother voted during church business despite them not being Mormons. I had a great time giving my talk. Afterward everyone was telling me what a great job I’d done. I’m like yay, I did it. I successfully gave a talk, albeit a slightly short talk. Was I nervous throughout the whole talk? Kind of but once I got my bearings, I was fine. Afterwards I kicked my whole family out as they didn’t want to be there. They were invited back multiple times, but no one has ever come back in. I’m like ok that’s fine. Everyone gets it that religion might not be their thing. I was able to make it realistic by scaring people by telling a true, but still nerve wracking, story. It was related to a talk given by a speaker at general conference. I usually don’t watch that type of thing, but I had time and I figure, why not? When I was writing my talk, many people jumped at the chance to help me. They offered to correct my grammatical errors, give me notes and ideas for talk ideas. I’m like that’s nice since 3 people from church helped me out as well as my mom and aunt. After (and even before as I’d mentioned getting my bearings) giving my talk everyone was like yay and all excited about my talk. After that sacrament meeting many people were flocking to my family’s seats trying to introduce themselves. My mom was trying to talk with everyone. I’d ran over as fast as I could. I was thanked for my words by the bishop. I said your welcome, but I’d better get to my family showing him how many people were trying to say hi to them and introduce themselves. Other times my mom wouldn’t come in, but people came to her. Take the Christmas party I’d gone to last December. My mom knew a woman and I’d re-introduced them. When I walked up, I’d stretched my neck muscles beforehand, grabbed my talk and then I went up. Everyone cheered as I’d come up. I was a cat being baptized. I’d walked up a second time and then had to yank down the microphone twice. Everyone loved my talk from the amount of people telling me how many people telling me I’d done a great job. So many people said great job I nearly reverted to my old mode of high school annoyance in saying, “gah why me?” I loved the talk. I’m sorry my family didn’t get as much out of the service as my mom was worried about my talk, my brothers seemed bored and my dad wasn’t fully paying attention. I wished I could’ve sat with my family before my talk and then go up for it, but I had to sit in the pulpit area. What’s hilarious was I was listening to cold case files and no one had noticed I’d listened to that as well as it didn’t come into the talk for some reason. That I find amazing that I didn’t write any forensic science into the talk when previously I had done that. I’d invited a friend to hear me give my talk and was ultra-nervous about it. He’d arrived in Sunday school. I was like yay but stopped as I didn’t want to interrupt Sunday school. Luckily that teacher was super nice about it. Apparently, my friends are blessed to be my friends I’m guessing because of my energy and my passion for doing certain things. That was awesome that he’d come to support me as well as meeting some of my friends from my home ward. Chapter 5 My conversion to the church is simple. I met someone who would show me around I liked the church and converted 15 months after I 1st came. What ultimately convinced me was when I was trying to correct the inaccuracies of my faith to others, I’m like, fine let’s take this run with the idea and see where I go with the idea. Ultimately, I was baptized after that. Many times, while studying with them I was often told by the current bishop’s wife (he wasn’t bishop at the time) told me I was always welcome back. I always said ok before turning around to refresh my make-up. That was nice but I told her, and she stopped. I didn’t start really think about converting until I started having to tell my friends from English class the misconceptions and tried to correct them. I’m like fine by the end of the semester. Others have had more intricate conversions than mine. I’d gotten my witness before becoming a full-fledged member. I love seeing all the new converts. There seem to be more newer converts and transfers into the singles ward than a family ward but I’m a convert and I’m a member of a family ward. I was asked how I became a Mormon and explained I’d defended the faith and then decided screw it let’s do this thing. When I was converting, I was a nervous wreck. Not only did I have to try passing my exams but also trying to get ready for a baptism. Nervous nelly. My family accepted it eventually. My mom gave me new earrings as a baptism gift. I was like ok. I wore them the day of my interview and passed. The day of my baptism I was so nervous. I tried relaxing but was super excited and nervous. I LOVED being baptized but hated being the center of attention. I found out my “adoptive dad” (the family who functioned as my guardians) was dunking me I was like yay. I was more like, “oh he’s doing it? Ok.” When I found out he was doing it I was in the library and was reading there. I was excited. I checked out a book on Etan Patz. I’m like ok I have a book I can read as I’m super into forensic science and am able to share that knowledge in the area. When I said “my adoptive family” I mean the family I’d become close with and they’d helped me during my conversion to the church and helping me with my testimony. I’d mentioned going to a family reunion and the dad who’d functioned as my guardian dad “let me off” I’d not seen my family in 4 years. I was encouraged to give up caffeine during my conversion. I’d tried a science experiment where I completely gave up caffeine for 3 days. When I said I gave up caffeine completely I mean I went without any caffeine for 3 days. That included: coffee, tea, soda, chocolate, pain killers and other medication that had caffeine in it. That was tough as my body had become accustomed to tons of caffeinated things on a regular basis. By the end of day 1 I was ok. My body had an uneasy fog before I’d eaten but as soon as I’d gotten something nutritious in my system, I was ok. Later that day I’d not gotten the crash I’d become accustomed to after years of abusing my body with caffeine. By day 3 I’d realized I’d had little to no anxiety and all the health problems I’m having were nil during the experiment. I was shocked and thought, huh what if I’d continued with this? I realized I can cut back as necessary as I’m not as dependent on it as I can survive on little to no caffeine for 3 days. When I told my “adoptive family” the mom said I can cut back as needed. Also, when you kick caffeine you likely have a “fog” on day 2 and would be craving it depending on how much caffeine you had been drinking and how long you’d been drinking it. Some people understand it depending on medications you have and amounts of caffeine and types you had been taking. Chapter 6 Many guys have noticed me once I became a Mormon. Often, it’s while I’m not looking, I find them. Once I was sitting on a couch in the lobby of a ward, I was listening to a Playaway and I met a guy. Granted as I was immersed in a story, I wasn’t fully paying attention to what was going on around me. The woman couldn’t likely tell I wasn’t paying attention as my hair was down and covering my ears indicating I was listening to a book on tape in iPod form. Once the chapter ended, I snapped out of the story and asked, “can I help you?” I followed the woman’s arm and saw a guy. I’m like, “hello” before putting everything away and then introduced myself. A day later he and I friended each other on Facebook and a week after he and I met he asked me to go mini golfing with his family. I was happy to make a new friend, but I was out of town and needed to focus on finding a new swim suit as my then current one was getting old. I was creeped out he found my number behind my back. Flattered but creeped out all at the same time. A friend gave me my number to him behind my back. I’m like ok but please warn me next time, will you? I also explained to my mom that the singles ward I go to is for finding people who are the same faith as you and can date as well as meet people who are like minded. She and I were talking about that when discussing my ex-boyfriend. She said he should stay my ex-boyfriend and not date again. Amen to that. He and I are barely on texting terms now but it’s better. Once I’d found out a guy had sweetly picked up a headband I’d dropped and put it back near my stuff. He’d sat next to me in Sunday school and talked to me despite me playing air drums and listening to music. He’d frequently smiled at me that day. I smiled back once mainly as I’d accidentally bumped into his while helping to clean up the chairs and, on my way, to grabbing my stuff. He seems like a boyfriend possibility. Either that or he’s a nice guy who is equally as flirtatious as I am. Another possible guy I’d might want to date is a guy who threw a party in October. He was sweet to me. He asked if he could get me anything and included me in the party. He’d also walked me out when my ride was at the door. Such a sweet guy. He also randomly sent me gifs that often could be “lovey dovey.” I’m thinking like, “aw that guy is super sweet and loves me potentially.” He hasn’t come right out and said it but I’m guessing he might. He's very sweet and kind to me. His sister is nice to me as well. I could be reading too much into it or I might not. We’ll see how this goes. A friend from the kentlands ward asks when I’m getting married. I’m like not now. That same friend prays for me to get married. I’m like that’s nice but I’m not ready for marriage quite yet. Maybe in a year or 2. Or if I’ve dated someone for a couple years. I’m not sure when I’ll ever be ready for marriage. I hope I will marry eventually. Of course, you can’t control how your life turns out as I’ve found out the hard way. I think I’m on a way I can be myself. Maybe I’ll find the man of my dreams in the future but for now I’m just enjoying my life as a single girl. She nearly found a boyfriend for me. I’m like ha. I’d mentioned it to my parents. They’re like aw. My dad said to go out for coffee with the guy. I’m like sure if I can find the time to do that I will. That seems like a low-key thing to meet someone. Chapter 7 So, something I’d mentioned earlier but didn’t explain was my inability to do my inability to serve a full-time proselyting mission. That’s due to several thing such as: my mild autism and scoliosis. I have a theory that the real reason is because of my inability to drive because of my muscle spasms. My family understand and I’m hoping I can get a modified car to help with that. Either that or I’d want something where I can drive with 1 side of my body in case of an emergency. My friends are super understanding about my medical issues though confused about my reluctance to accept help from them. My friends at the singles ward haven’t seen me spaz and freak out if they did. They also might help me but if they pushed me wrong, I’d collapse, which doesn’t happen often these days. I know a guy who came home from his mission and couldn’t complete his 2-year mission fully. There’s no shame in not completing a mission fully. You can do many other things to help the faith. He’s the acquaintance I’d mentioned earlier who said I didn’t tell him where I’d run off to. I wasn’t close with that guy at that point. 1 of my “adopted sisters” (and I use that ultra-super loosely as the parents functioned as my guardians) likely will do a service mission as she has some issues. Like I said there’s no shame in doing a service mission as I want to help others understand religion as best as we all can. Service missions are “local” part time missions. You don’t go away and don’t speak foreign languages. You help the faith in your area. In my case I might be doing several things such as: doing interfaith work, helping in a storehouse or church operated thrift store, temple or visitor center work or something else as needed. I’d love to do temple stuff as I haven’t been there often. My standards aren’t as strict as full-time missionaries who go away and speak foreign languages. Especially if I’m: part time, living at home/ with a roommate/ on my own, if I’m not with a companion 24/7, not set apart. I’m able to do what I’m doing now essentially but I’d be doing certain things such as a missionary such as: temple work or working in a store. Hopefully I’m going to get some life skills I can use. I would’ve used CPR on my mission but maybe I will use it on my service mission. Many people have life skills such as CPR. It would be helpful things since I have my own kids and many people in my life. I love helping others. I would’ve been superhero Jackie if I knew CPR and was a full time missionary. I’m still going to be superhero Jackie just on a smaller scale as I’m not going to be a full time missionary. I might hang out with the acquaintance who is an early returned missionary to 1) get to know him and 2) see what he’s doing in the faith after his mission. I’ll let him set the pace of the conversation. Chapter 8 There were things I’d do to “prepare” for sacrament. I’d grab a snack and walk over to “prepare”. I was offered ride occasionally, but I like walking. I loved it. Many times, now a days I’d walk to church. My way of “preparing for sacrament” is laughing and getting it out of my system. Although, reading and having a snack before sacrament are by far my favorite things to do, I love to laugh at stupid things. My favorite thing to laugh at is the amazing atheist. He’s awesome. His views are known throughout the internet. My main reason for laughing at him was because of him being anti-religion and yet prayed to god saying he was real now’s the time to show it. Of course, he didn’t as why would god show up and save his dad’s life if he cared enough to kill the dad. I understand why he did that. When I lost Mrs. Mansfield and my grandfather within 10.5 months of each other why would he care to give them back if he’s there to test us? I was super upset and didn’t want to come back to church once I lost them. I was sad and upset and I’d wanted to stay at home and cry for months on end. Other things I do during sacrament is read when it’s being passed out. I love reading. Sometimes I can’t read and instead watch the sacrament being passed out. That’s when the priesthood will occasionally “screw up” or as we call it “be all discombobulated.” That’s funny. My favorite thing to read is criminal justice and forensic science. I like reading that. Many people know of my love of forensic science and laughed when I made jokes about studying things simultaneously. Namely my criminal justice notes and the book of Mormon and joked “I hope I didn’t mix them up.” Once, I’d listened to a book on Gary Ridgway on the way to sacrament meeting. I loved it as I could be listening to a book I love and prepare for the sacrament. I sometimes walk to and from church in shoes that aren’t meant to be walking as they’re for dress. I can do it usually. My mom loves me wearing cute things to church if they’re comfortable. I do too. I’m in things that’s tomboyish anyways. My friends understand I have back and joint problems, so I must modify things because of that issues. Although, I have anti-freeze in my veins, so I’ll wear long sleeve things and cooler things in the winter since I don’t cold as easily. My visiting teacher, mom and neighbors say I’m the crazy tank top girl. When I went to a party in October, I didn’t need my heavy jacket and Ugg boots despite me wearing my Ugg’s and bringing my jacket. Many people asked why I didn’t wear my Ugg’s indoors during winter. Because my house is usually heated, duh. Chapter 9 So, I joined about 2 years ago. I started fellowshipping 15 months prior. I once asked my dad if he wanted me to go to an LDS event and he said yes. I decided to go since I don’t go out much and he rarely asks me to go do stuff. It helped me with public speaking with me baring my testimony and giving a talk. It was awesome. I’ve made so many friends from the church. I’ve had so much fun with the parties and game nights and hanging out with other people. I’ve hung out with other people and gotten sushi and stuff I love. What’s interesting is that I got a blessing and then the next night I found out my grandfather was in the hospital. I’d gotten another 1 a few weeks ago for my anxiety (the last 2 have been for anxiety over exams) and I was grateful for them. Once I went to game night and laughed until I nearly puked. I was in the group picture. I had to go to another ward because of my mom being out of state. So, a weekend after that the elders were happy, I’m at the singles ward. The other day I went to the ward my dad takes me to and I was able to help since I was there. It was nice to be of help. I usually tell them, “give me something to do unless you want me playing on my phone on my iTunes app store.” I opened the door several times, made sure it works and was happy to help. So, I gave a talk in November. It was awesome since my family was there. Once I walked up everyone cheered. I was happy and should’ve said, “Do you feel the spirit in here?” It was awesome. When I finished, I took a bow since I had to in order to finish. Everyone said, “Great job” and tons of people were killing me with kindness when it came to finish the talk. Many people were helping me: my mom, my aunt Jacquie (my mom’s sister and who I am named after) and 3 people from church including 1 from the bishopric. It was kind of torturous since my family didn’t WANT to be there, but my mom dragged them all there. Once a mom of a returned missionary came up to me and introduced her son who had returned a few days prior. She said this was her son. I’d blankly stared at her until the chapter ended on the audio book I was reading (really, I was listening to the book). I snapped out of it, met her son and nearly hung out with my friend. He got my number behind my back which freaked me out. It was flattering someone wanted my number and asked me out but could’ve warned me since I was completely blind sighted. I have 3 brothers. They’re annoying but I usually mention them at church. My parents nearly gave me a sister until I had a 3rd brother. What’s hilarious is when I mention my brothers, I never say my brother’s name. Also, whenever I mention my family at church, I usually mention my brothers 85% more than my parents and the rest of my family (uncles, cousins, aunts etc.). I find it funny when I mention my brother and say, “my brother, my brother, my brother, my brother, my brother, my brother, my brother, my brother, my mom, my dad, my aunt Jacquie.” It’s kind of funny how many times I mention my brothers but never say their names. My grandpa passed away unexpectedly last December. He fell in the shower and he fell into a coma. My family was devastated. I had gotten a blessing the night before and I was still devastated. The day he passed away I was forced to go to church my mom saying, “I needed this,” and then being forced to watch the Christmas devotional since I needed it as well. Though I was still crying afterwards I told my mom, “Thanks for making me do this.” The day before my grandfather passed away, I’d argued with my brother about doing a posthumous baptism for my grandfather. I said not since I didn’t want to offend my family but then caved in saying, “I’d see.” As I expected when I asked my uncle, who was on the lawyer’s contact list, so I figured he’d know best, so I asked him. My uncle declined the offer for me to submit my grandfather’s name to the church’s genealogy and the posthumous baptism records. I don’t know how I knew they wouldn’t go for it, but I guessed. Sometimes I scream since I’m usually loud. Once I screamed since I had the Holy Spirit with me leading me to read something I wasn’t expecting. My mom had done something in Florida for my grandfather and read the Lord’s Prayer. Later I read it in the book of Mormon I had on me. I didn’t tell my mom and haven’t to this day since I’m not sure how it’ll go down. That’s not the only time the Holy Spirit was with me. Once I was suggested not to get a henna tattoo because I’d get interrupted. 10 minutes later I was being dragged away because my brother called saying we were going out and to come home.